Yey! It’s Jenny! Jenny is a north Londoner, mum to Baxter and photographer. Check out her amazing work here.
Recently she’s been snapping beautiful weddings but she comes from a decidedly rock and roll background in live music photography. She is currently expanding her portfolio to babies and children. She is a bit Instagram obsessed and kind of a wannabe mummy blogger if she ever finds the time xoxoxoxoxo
What’s the best thing about being a mum? The feeling of completion, I always felt something was missing – or rather I was missing something – before Baxter was born, now i feel whole. I know everyone says you can’t describe it but it’s totally true – I just never knew that this feeling, this state of being existed. It truly is the greatest feeling in the world. I’m sure every mother remembers that first time someone left the room holding their baby, even if it is the child’s father or a nurse, it feels like they’ve just wandered off with your arm or leg!? I remember wanting to shout ‘no, I need that – can you bring it back please!’ Such a strange feeling to find this final piece of yourself all wrapped up in a cute little onesie and then realise it is separate to you and can soon can walk away all too soon. When my son started walking I got a little heart tattooed on the outside of my leg at his exact height – when he’s older I will tell him that although he and I are sometimes apart i will always be thinking of him by my side. Weirdly he loves it too and often kisses it and grins. Before I became pregnant I read a quote about having children being like part of your heart living outside your body. It is still the most accurate description I’ve found!
How did you feel the moment your child was born? Cold! I had an emergency cesarean after 27 hours of labour, they wouldn’t let me go on longer as I have MS. It was frustrating as I could feel his head but it turned out he had gotten stuck in the birth canal with his shoulders perpendicular to my hips so would not have come out naturally anyway. I lost a lot of blood and was shaking quite violently by the time they showed him to me. They put me in a big insulated bag with a Hoover type attachment pumping hot air in – it was weird knowing I was surrounded by warm but inside my body was just so cold. I do remember the nurse holding him up though – once when he was naked and once clothed – and I remember thinking and saying he was cute but honestly at the time I was just trying to keep my mind and body calm.
After the event, and even now, I am very sad that I didn’t get to wallow in that moment let alone hold him or have skin to skin contact for a long time after. I think if you plan for a natural birth you don’t spend much time considering what you want if an emergency arises but if I could do it again I would definitely consider the details more and ensure he was in my arms or at least touching me skin to skin as soon as possible.
What do you know now that you wish you’d known before you became a mum? That I should have done this years ago! I know you can’t have regrets as the present would be different but the love and joy that this little boy has brought me are beyond anything I ever imagined. I was also unaware of how physically demanding motherhood can be. I am stronger, lighter and more exhausted than ever before and I can’t help but think a few years younger my endurance may have been a little better! More than anything I just wish I’d known it will all be alright; it is hard and when my husband and I separated 4 months ago I had some moments when I was scared that I wasn’t good enough and couldn’t be what my son needed. But I got through it and of course the rewards are so out of this world amazing that you just find a way and it is always worth it.
What do you do to take care of yourself? Not enough. I know how important it is to take care of yourself but somewhere in the past year I just lost it. I used to meditate and plan to again on my imminent commute as I return to work soon. I have had a couple of back massages which worked wonders. I want to try and eat better, since weaning my son I manage to make amazing healthy meals for him but by the time we sit down I’ve forgotten about myself and end up having toast! I swear I lived on digestives and tea for the first 3 months!
What holds you back? I have quite high standards for myself, i want to do and experience a lot in life. I’ve always been quite passionate but since losing sight in my left eye for a few weeks and subsequently being diagnosed with MS this has become even more important to me. I put a lot of effort into making a fun, safe, happy environment for Bax to grow up in but I enjoy it so again it is hard work but so very worth it when I see him smile. Live for today and take joy wherever you can, the world is a truly incredible place full of amazing things and I can’t wait to share it with my son.
Describe a beautiful moment in your life. Oh there are so many! Yesterday my cat was so happy to have me to himself for a few hours he reached up his paws for a cuddle every time I walked past!
I work for Guinness World Records and the day I met Harnaam Kaur; the world’s youngest female with a full beard, her attitude to life filled me with hope and joy.
But if I had to pick just one it would be my son laughing as I rubbed vapour rub on his chest last night – I know it’s genetic or hormonal or there’s some scientific reason but I never knew such joy existed until I heard that little laugh!
What are you grateful for today? Every day I am grateful for my sight, I’m a photographer so losing it was the most frightening thing to have happened and I remember thinking every day ‘but I’ve not seen my child’s face’ I was desperate for a baby at the time and the idea I might never see him/her was almost unbearable. When we were finally allowed out of hospital on Halloween last year I remember we would just sit and stare at each other for hours! Falling in love with each other’s faces, his eyes, his nose, his lashes I could not get enough and even now sometimes cry with relief that I got my sight back and can see his gorgeous little face properly. Of course it could go again anytime and not repair the way it did last time but for now I try to just focus on the present moment and hope I can teach Bax to do the same.